Amends

A mound of blackberries as a gesture of atonement

          Though we can’t go back and change what we’ve done or said in the past, we can try to bring balance and healing to the present. When atoning for our wrongs, we refrain from shifting the blame away from ourselves and state clearly where we were at fault. If the injured party has something to say, we listen patiently with respect. When the damage involves money or material things, we do our utmost to make restitution. Though we may explain why we are making amends, we avoid trying to impress or engender pity. If there is a beneficial service we can offer or that they request, we do our best to follow through. Our primary goal is restoration as much as possible; a simple apology will rarely be sufficient. Face-to-face amends aren’t always feasible due to geographical distance or death. In these cases, a written letter may be an option. In addition, we augment these actions with a living amends – a genuine, visible change in our present behavior. It is important to do this practice with no expectations of forgiveness. We strive only to mend what has been broken without seeking any advantage for ourselves. Sincerely making amends will lighten our burden of remorse and fear whether our effort is welcomed or refused. 

As long as you live, it is never too late to make amends… Don’t waste your precious life with regrets and sorrow. Find a way to make right what was wrong and then move on. 

~ Karen Hesse

For more information on amends, see this post.