Training in Trustworthiness

Photo by Victoria Standen

          A study led by researcher Akiko Takaoka and published in Animal Cognition found that dogs can easily discern whether a person is trustworthy. Experimenters pointed to where a container of food was hidden in the first round of the study (which the dogs readily ate). During the second round, the dogs were pointed toward another bowl which was found to be empty by the dogs. In the third round, experimenters pointed to a hidden, full bowl but were ignored by the dogs. When these experimenters were replaced, the dogs followed the pointing directive of the new person to the full bowl. Once a dog considers a human to be unreliable, it ignores the cues given. Dogs like predictability, and when things become inconsistent, they look for other alternatives.

          Like the human-dog relationship, we may unintentionally 'train' people to trust or distrust us. Charles H. Green - author, educator and business strategy consultant - found four variables that could determine whether others find us trustworthy:

          1) the credibility of our words

          2) the reliability of our actions

          3) the safety felt about entrusting us with something

          4) our self-orientation

Surprisingly, it is the fourth benchmark that carries the greatest weight. The more we focus on ourselves and what we want, the less trustworthy we are perceived. Yet the more we focus on the other person, their needs and how we might help, the more trustworthy we are seen by them. Making the welfare of others as much a priority as our own can change the dynamics in our relationships. 

For more information on trustworthiness, see this post.

  

Beyond the Obvious

Photo from Royalty Pecan Farms

          Moneymaker, Creek, Stuart, Desirable and Caddo are just a few names of the 500 plus varieties of pecans. Carya illinoinensis is a native of Mexico and the southern U.S. The native nuts, called 'seedlings,' can be bitter-tasting and are often small in size. The larger, sweeter nuts of pecan cultivars are frequently known as 'papershells,' because their nuts are easier to crack and shell. Pecan trees are similar in appearance; size and flavor of the nut as well as the thickness of the shell are used to distinguish one variety of pecan from another.

          Like sorting one pecan variety from the next, discernment requires looking beyond the superficial to perceive what is not always obvious. Humans have a tendency to put fixed labels on people or things based on our initial reaction to them. Our mind wants us to grab what is pleasant, get rid of the unpleasant, and ignore what we don't care about. We generalize from these reactions to other things and people that seem similar. But if we're going to be discerning, we need to take a closer look and put away our permanent markers. Everything in life is dynamic, fluctuating and changing. We might easily overlook marvels and insights because of the rigid labels we've attached. The alternative - discernment - draws on compassion and wisdom, allowing us to perceive each moment with unbiased clarity. 

For more information on discernment, see this post.

Awakening

Cicada photo by M.J. Raupp

          Periodic cicadas appear in great numbers during the spring after spending 13 or 17 years underground. They crawl to a vertical surface, shed their exoskeleton and dry their new wings. Adults only live for a few weeks, during which males sing in chorus to attract females. Once mating has occurred, females cut v-shaped slits in young twigs and lay approximately 20 eggs. The cicada eggs take about 4 to 6 weeks to hatch, then the newborn nymphs drop to the ground and burrow into the soil. There they spend over a decade in darkness, feeding on tree roots as they develop and wait to emerge into the light.

          Pema Chodron wrote, "The journey of awakening happens just at the place where we can't get comfortable." Pain brings many people into recovery, but the biggest obstacle in staying there is often our own self. The ego - an identity constructed around our beliefs, opinions and personal experiences - sees its purpose as a protector from all things that don't bring us enjoyment. But the walls it erects as protection also separate us from people and different perspectives that could offer us support and a life free from addiction. Yet through honesty, open-mindedness and willingness, we can begin to knock down those walls. Where we once felt alone, we now find a common bond with others. Listening to those who have been successful in recovery, we widen our views and learn new skills. Inventories give us clarity and insight; we recognize that we are responsible for our own peace of mind. As our self-involvement is replaced by a concern for others, we discover a new purpose - holding out the light of recovery for those searching for a way out of the darkness.

For more information on service, see this post.

Bypass or Bolster?

Glass squid - image from Oxford Scientific Films

          Ocean animals that live close to the sea floor can blend in with the sand and rocks or hide among the coral. Creatures that live close to the ocean's surface often use bioluminescence to produce displays of light; they trick predators into thinking what they see is dappled sunlight. But those who live in the middle - the pelagic zone - don't have these options. Yet some of these ocean creatures have a unique way of blending into their surroundings by being almost completely transparent. For instance, the glass squid lives between 200 to 1000 meters below sea level and is nearly completely see-through. These squids and other transparent ocean creatures have the ability to hide in plain sight.
          Like the glass squid, we all have periods when we'd prefer to hide from life rather than deal with it. Most of us used our addiction to change the way we felt or avoid what was happening around us. Prayer and meditation can aid us in developing spiritual maturity, allowing us to embrace life rather than run from it. But because humans have strong preferences for keeping things pleasant and comfortable, we might attempt to use these tools to bypass what is unpleasant and painful. Our prayers may focus on getting what we desire and evading what we fear. We could attempt to use meditation to transcend what unsettles us, hoping to stay in a permanent state of bliss. Rather than help us cultivate clarity, wisdom, compassion, and altruism, these tactics simply enable us to become more self-absorbed. Yet when we cease expecting a pay-out from prayer and meditation, we discover a way to live fully and serenely. We develop a clearer perspective of reality that opens rather than armors our heart and mind. 

For more information on prayer and meditation, see this post.