Great blue heron patiently watching beneath the water
Genuine prayer involves both humility and selflessness. It recognizes the need to move ‘self’ out of the way in order to open our hearts and minds. For those who are a part of organized religion, prayer is probably a normal part of one’s spiritual training. In recovery, we are trying to be less self-absorbed, so our prayers should not be an attempt to get something for our exclusive benefit. For example, asking one’s higher power to win the lottery might be considered self-seeking behavior, but asking to be directed toward a way to support our family would not. But how are those who don’t have a specific divine power supposed to pray? Prayer for oneself could be considered an intention, an aspiration to work toward. For instance, the Serenity Prayer could be used in this way: “May I cultivate the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…” Prayers for other people can be considered thoughts of goodwill for them. As we pray for the strength and comfort we want them to receive, it allows us to consider other people’s needs and struggles instead of just our own. Before any type of prayer, it is important to check one’s motives for pride or selfishness.
We often look at meditation in the same light as prayer: “What’s in it for me?” Pema Chodron writes, “We do not meditate for comfort.” Trying to maintain a blissful state while avoiding reality is a form of spiritual bypass; meditation is not about escape but seeing with clarity and wisdom. As Chodron explains, “it gives us the opportunity to have an open, compassionate attentiveness to whatever is going on.” In meditation, there’s no need to stop one’s thoughts; only an attitude of curiosity is necessary. There are three stages of awareness we’ll uncover if we persist in this practice. In the first, we learn to use a simple ‘support’ (such as the breath) to focus on. Having such a tether helps us stay in the present moment and out of the past or future. Even if our mind wanders for most of the time, we’ll begin to experience a greater sense of calm and relaxation if we persevere. The second stage involves training the mind. As we continue our meditation practice, we’ll begin to recognize more quickly when our mind is distracted by thoughts or sensations. What purpose does it serve when we gently bring back the mind over and over again? Though we can’t control thoughts, we can learn to guide the mind in a different, more useful direction. Then we won’t be at the mercy of what we think or feel. In the third stage, we may discover our mind doesn’t get as easily hooked by passing thoughts and sensations. We begin to recognize their impermanence. Our narrow view of reality – shaped by our opinions, preferences, and prejudices – starts to widen as we realize life is more spacious than the ‘self’ we’ve constructed. Connecting with this limitless awareness can help us change how we perceive the world and allow us to relate to it with wisdom and equanimity.
Conscious breathing is my anchor.
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
For more information on prayer and meditation, see this post.
