Untangling Emotions

Prairie dog pups - photo by Thibaud Despres

          Animal behaviorist Jennifer Verdolin found that animals have challenges with their offspring just as humans do. For instance, when young prairie dogs begin the weaning process, they can react with impressively dramatic temper tantrums. They throw themselves to the ground, scream, and cry like many two-year-old human kids. Verdolin believes these outbursts are simply a form of manipulation to get the parent to relent. Yet she noticed that most adult animals simply ignored the meltdowns of their little ones. Aggressive, physical discipline was rare and context specific, used only to protect the youngster from imminent, serious harm.
          Unlike animal parents, many humans find it difficult not to get drawn into emotional drama. We fall under the delusion that our involvement means we are being helpful. Buddhist psychology has a concept known as 'near enemies' - habits that closely resemble positive virtues but are actually quite harmful. The near enemy of loving-kindness is attachment; it appears in the form of insecure clinging and the desire to control. The near enemy of compassion is self-absorbed grief; rather than taking any beneficial action, one becomes submerged in the other's feelings. Detachment allows us to recognize when these near enemies are operating in our lives and assess what motivates them. It helps us step back from a situation in order to clarify which of our actions are constructive and which are unhealthy reactions. Detachment teaches us to keep our heart open while not depriving another of learning to live responsibly.

For more information on detachment, see this post.