Sharing the Load

Beech forest photo by Martina Aubrechtová 

          In twelve countries across Europe, there are old-growth beech forests that are listed by UNESCO as a World Heritage site. These woodlands achieved great age without significant disturbance, and thus are a haven of natural beauty as well as biodiversity. The trees here are like families, according to German forester Peter Wohlleben, and have something like an underground social network. Their interconnecting root structures allow them to be aware of how their neighbors and offspring are doing. Healthy trees will often share sugars and nutrients with injured trees and saplings to sustain them. These ancient trees operate less like individuals and more like a tight-knit community willing to share resources.

          When we find the fellowship of other people in recovery, we discover an extended family. Sharing our personal inventory with someone from this group is a relationship of equals, not one of sinner and saint. Our listener will have experienced the same overwhelming emptiness and craving that an addiction tries to fill. If we are hesitant to admit our secrets and buried feelings, we can realize they are an example of what being relieved of such a burden looks like. They can assure us that we are not unique in our thoughts or actions and provide insights that point the way to freedom. Our honesty allows us to tap into the shared resources of our recovery community.    

For more information on honesty, see this post.    

Inventory of Strata

Grand Canyon photo by Murray Foubister

          Geologic layers have preserved much of the Earth's history. Over time, sediments deposited in layers hardened into rock known as strata. Relative time can be determined by the location of each stratum; the oldest layers are on the bottom and the more recent on top. The type of sediment and the way it was deposited can reveal if a region was originally covered by water. Fossils can be used to trace the evolution of plants and animals, and in some cases, their extinction. 

          Like layers of strata, an honest inventory can let us look back at our own history to see how we got to the place we are now. What sort of things will we likely unearth?

• Patterns of behavior that at one time may have been helpful but now create problems and chaos.
• Examples of blame and justification for our actions but few instances of us taking responsibility for them.
• A list of people we have harmed by our behavior.
• Emotional hooks from past experiences that still influence us in the present.
• Selfish motives designed to get what we want without much regard for the well-being of others.

We may not be pleased with all we find beneath our surface. Yet awareness and acknowledgment will enable us to create another layer of soil - one in which to grow. Clarity about who we are will benefit us in developing a vision of who we want to become.

For more information on the topic of inventory, see this post.

A Different Scale for Decisions

photo by KilloVet on Reddit.com

          Ask any pet owner what's the craziest thing their pet ever did, and they likely will have multiple stories to tell. As with all animals, they try to avoid what is unpleasant and acquire what is enjoyable. If something smells good, dogs eat it or roll in it. If something new appears but is placed out of reach, cats will investigate no matter what kind of acrobatic feat this entails. Because of their preference for pleasure, pets don't always choose what's in their best interest. Pull out the pet carrier your feline associates with a trip to the vet, and you'll be looking under beds and sofas for a missing cat. 

          As folks who deal with addiction issues, we too tend to weigh things on the pleasure scale and thus make faulty decisions. We are strong-willed and adept at dodging what we dislike while pursuing what makes us feel good. Yet if we want to redirect our life, we must trust the wisdom of our new framework of principles. Without action, our decision to change is meaningless. We may not consider all of the practices and suggestions of this path 'fun.' However they will help us make better choices and replace old habits with behavior that will serve us well in the long run.

For more information on choices, see this post.

Surrender's Doorway

photo by Ewa Krzyszczyk with Shark Bay Dolphin Project

          In 1984, researchers noticed dolphins doing something unusual in a Western Australian bay. These mammals would dive down, rip a basket sponge from the sea floor and wear it over their beaks like a hand in a glove. Further observation helped scientists realize these dolphins were protecting themselves from injury as they probed the ocean floor for bottom-dwelling fish. They noticed the use of the sponge was a method passed on by females to their daughters (though males often learned too). Researchers believe that because of the pressures of raising a calf for four to five years, female dolphins needed an easier way to hunt. Since other dolphins primarily used echolocation to find fish in the water, the sponge technique gave mother dolphins a reliable yet overlooked food source. 
          Surrender involves being open to a different way of doing things. If we are to stop the repetition of our unhealthy behavior, we must give up the illusion that our management techniques have been effective. Rather than being resigned to our fate, we look for a mentor with a solution - a person or group to guide us. Who or what they are isn't as important as the doorway to sanity they offer us. This guide should be trustworthy: someone who takes the time to explain this path and actively lives it. Their success gives us hope that we too can learn to use new tools and break the cycle of addiction. Once we're willing to sincerely listen to another approach, we'll find ourselves on the other side of that doorway.

To find more information about surrender, see this post.

The Pain of Being Powerless

photo by Cathy Connolly of the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation

          A few years ago in a community located inside of Florida's Ocala National Forest, residents noticed a bear cub wandering behind its mother and sibling with a plastic jar stuck on its head. The bear family had obviously been eating out of the garbage bins, and now one of them was in trouble. Wildlife biologists, realizing that the cub would be unable to drink or eat, tried to trap the mother and rescue the cub. Residents dubbed the cub 'Jarhead' and called authorities whenever he was spotted. Mama bear proved elusive for ten days, but she was finally shot with a tranquilizer so her cub could be relieved of its headgear. The biologists then relocated the whole family into a deeper part of the national forest. 

          Like the bear cub, we can run around with our thinking completely obscured by our addiction. Caught in an endless loop of harmful behavior, we attempt to look and act normal while trying to manage our obsessions and compulsions. We may minimize ("I'm not as bad as..."), blame ("It's how I deal with the pain of..."), or rationalize ("This helps me..."). At some point, our habitual patterns usually make us miserable enough to see through our denial and realize we need to change. Yet like the bears who continued to run, we may not be willing to accept help: shame may make us feel unworthy or pride can convince us to do it on our own. But relief can be found when we admit we are powerless - that we simply don't have the knowledge, resources or supportive environment needed to stop this cycle. Regardless of what our ego (mama bear) might try to tell us, help isn't as awful as we might imagine. Just ask Jarhead.

For more information on powerlessness, see this post.