Sharing the Load

Beech forest photo by Martina Aubrechtová 

          In twelve countries across Europe, there are old-growth beech forests that are listed by UNESCO as a World Heritage site. These woodlands achieved great age without significant disturbance, and thus are a haven of natural beauty as well as biodiversity. The trees here are like families, according to German forester Peter Wohlleben, and have something like an underground social network. Their interconnecting root structures allow them to be aware of how their neighbors and offspring are doing. Healthy trees will often share sugars and nutrients with injured trees and saplings to sustain them. These ancient trees operate less like individuals and more like a tight-knit community willing to share resources.

          When we find the fellowship of other people in recovery, we discover an extended family. Sharing our personal inventory with someone from this group is a relationship of equals, not one of sinner and saint. Our listener will have experienced the same overwhelming emptiness and craving that an addiction tries to fill. If we are hesitant to admit our secrets and buried feelings, we can realize they are an example of what being relieved of such a burden looks like. They can assure us that we are not unique in our thoughts or actions and provide insights that point the way to freedom. Our honesty allows us to tap into the shared resources of our recovery community.    

For more information on honesty, see this post.    

Honesty

A snowshoe hare camouflaged by the snow 

When we decide to disclose and review our inventory with someone, we should choose our listener carefully. We want someone who can be objective and compassionate; someone who understands why we are doing this and is capable of keeping a confidence.  Yet why should we be willing to share this personal information with anyone in the first place?

• Holding onto weighty secrets, according to neurosurgeon Gopal Chopra, stresses the cortex of the brain. This conflict causes a surge in cortisol and results in heightened anxiety. Unburdening ourselves to another person is like having a pressure release valve.
• Talking to someone about intimate details of our life is a first step in learning to trust another. When we feel like there is a person we can talk to, we’ll be less likely to isolate when life gets chaotic or difficult.
• An objective listener can point out when we’re minimizing something that is important or dramatizing something that isn’t.
• Another person can help us see the difference between guilt (when we’ve actually done something wrong) and shame (when we feel badly but didn’t create the problem).
• The person we talk to may help us realize we’re not unique in the things we’ve done. He or she can remind us of our strengths and available resources.
• Perhaps the biggest reason to share our story with another is clarity. When we admit the nature of our wrongs, we can acknowledge the common thread behind them: the actions and attitudes that have kept the cycle of our unhealthy behavior going.

If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it. ~ Richard Rohr

For more information on honesty, see this post.