Resting without Resistance

Grackles - photo by Stephen J. Krasemann

          The common grackle is a large blackbird with bright yellow eyes and iridescent feathers that may have a purple, green or blue sheen. They tend to congregate in large, noisy groups and make calls that sound like rusty hinges on a gate. Grackles are opportunistic feeders and will eat almost anything they can find. They often frequent backyard feeders, where bird watchers can observe an interesting behavior known as bill tilting. The grackles will tilt their heads up and point their bills skyward. The more dominant the bird, the more upward is the tilt of the bill. According to Robert Flicken of the Cornell Lab of Ornithology, this is an adaptive behavior in a species where there is close contact among individuals. The precision of their expression through such posturing serves to reduce aggressive fighting and stress.

          When we are impatient, we have become rigidly bound to our expectations. Whether we experience the pull of want or the push of aversion, the feeling is the same – restless irritation that quickly morphs into frustrated anger. Motivated by a strong desire to resolve this feeling, we react aggressively, which usually just escalates the situation. The practice of patience has nothing to do with the suppression of feelings or inaction. Rather, it is the recognition that there is a right time to act and a time to wait. It is the ability to relate to those waiting moments with kindness and gentleness. Patience allows everyone to relax, both the person practicing it and those around them. The pause of patience can give us the chance to look at the situation from another viewpoint other than our own. In the words of Gil Fronsdal, “It is the willingness to see deeply, without resistance, the truth of the moment.” The pause creates the opportunity for us to be mindful of our thoughts before we respond, allowing us to de-escalate our aggression both internally and externally.

For more information about patience, see this post.

Principles: Patience

The following cards (#13-30) are additional spiritual principles and practices that can be essential in recovery.

Giant panda snail

          Patience can be defined as the ability to calmly endure a situation without complaint. It implies three qualities:

1. Restraint – Rarely does going berserk ever improve a situation. Before frustration escalates to anger, we need to be able to recognize the mental and physical clues that lead to such a reaction. Impatient thoughts revolve around the words 'I, me, my and mine.' We may notice our muscles tightening, particularly in the jaw, neck, and shoulders, and our heart may begin to race. When these red flags appear, pause, take a few conscious deep breaths and focus on something that doesn’t involve those four words.
2. Endurance – Attempting to be patient in trying circumstances is like working out at the gym. The more we practice, the more we develop and strengthen this trait in ourselves.
3. Recognition – Do we believe we put up with more irritations than other people? Are we entitled to less aggravation than the rest of the world? These beliefs only create more frustration, not less. We are not unique; everyone has their daily share of obstacles and annoyances. From a long-range viewpoint, how important is this delay or complication? Rather than becoming angry, is there anything constructive we can do?

We are impatient for the future and try to craft it with our own powers, but the future will come as it comes and will not be hurried. 

~ Dean Koontz